Why am I here?

It is important to remember that where we are is exactly where we are meant to be.  If we were supposed to be doing something else there would be no avoiding it.

Speaking to my cousin about her life and what she imagines herself doing, and how that is different from her actual job, it seemed clear that this feeling that we are not what we truly see ourselves to be, creates a drive in her, so that when an opportunity arises to change- which it certainly will- she will be ready and willing to change, but for now, even though she is not satisfied with her current job, she is learning skills which may lead her closer to where she wants to go, and is challenged without being overwhelmed.  Although she doesn’t feel it is her ‘natural’ calling, she is learning new skills such as, diplomacy, assertiveness and the ability to appear confident when necessary, and competitive skills in the work-place, all of which may come in very useful in the future. 

There is no harm in dreaming of the type of life that we wish to manifest.  So when we fantasise together about opening up a trendy little community based café where art can be both created and displayed and good, healthy and affordable food and drinks can be provided in a beautiful and comfortable environment.  This is a realistic projection, and the business acumen she’s now learning, although it doesn’t seem it, could be directly related to this or some similar future project.  However, if comparison of a fantasised world with the current realistic situation becomes a preoccupation it will definitely create a feeling of dissatisfaction with the world.  A realistic view of the benefits and movement within her current situation quickly relieves this discomfort. 

In my situation it is easy to see how as my finances become more and more in arrears and despite a multitude of job applications nothing emerges to bring income into my life, it is easy to fall into a state of feeling useless- to erode my sense of ability, agency and worth until the dark thoughts and feelings of depression emerge and death seems like a hopeful idea.  Yet then I take a realistic look at how much time I have to meditate and focus on the development of peace and health in my life- which I would not have if I was enmeshed in a full time job- I begin to see why this situation needed to be here right now.  There is actually nothing wrong- and as these depressed thoughts and feelings arise I am generously allowed the time and space to examine them, understand their source, and realised their nature; just thoughts which arise and pass away.  Not essentially who I am, and not permanent.

Regular quiet moments in which the brain is able to calm and settle are important for perspective, for a sense of what is real and what is imagined.  Time out of doing anything at all allows for the emotions, thoughts and physical sensations to settle, so that a grounded, calm, mindful existence becomes possible, and impulsive, reactionary, confused states can naturally fade away.